Runaway Bride May Face Run-on Sentence
By Howdy Getso, reporting from Eastern Blogovia
Howdy: Can you hear me now, DC?
DC: Yes, you're coming in loud and clear. Go ahead, Howdy.
Howdy: Behind me you see an empty church. Just days ago, this church was home to happy throngs of would-be revellers, all looking forward to the wedding of Jennifer Wilbanks and John Mason. Now, the lonely wind whistles through the belfry, seeming to mock the wholesome ideals of holy matrimony and American values.
DC: Howdy, we’re hearing a crunching sound.
Howdy: As I walk through the church, I find it hard to avoid stepping on the hundreds of abandoned packets of "Rice-a-Moni," the pre-packaged handfuls of rice for throwing at the bride and groom as they come down the steps outside, after a successful "matrimony." A successful matrimony which did not happen. DC?
DC: America would like to know what happens next.
Howdy: That's not clear. Right-wing pundits of all persuasions are divided on the issue. For example,
* Bill O'reilly says that if the woman is mentally competent, she should be punished with impunity.
* Neal Boortz is more sympathetic, saying "Many, many years ago I had a relative commit suicide over an unwilling participation in a huge wedding. Is it possible that Jennifer Wilbanks ran away for the same reason?" We were unable to confirm whether the "relative" was Mrs. Boortz.
* Michael Savage preferred to focus on the "inappropriate behavior" of the First Lady at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Apparently, her reference to the President's attempt to milk a male horse, or "stalyan," as we say in Eastern Blogovia, did not set well with the Eastern Blogovian Apoplectic Tabernacle, LLC. DC?
DC: What about the crowd? Are they the usual mix of TV and print media?
Howdy: Not at all. A sizeable force of Hollywood agents have been gathering over the past 24 hours. Rumor has it there will be several books and a couple of TV movies in the near future. I myself am in negotiations as we speak, to write a tell-all book about my role in this affair.
DC: You? Really?
Howdy: Yes DC, I was the first one on the scene to cover the larger story of the unprecedented number of correspondents covering the original story.
DC: Which was?
Howdy: At this point, no one is really sure. But one thing everyone agrees on - the larger story continues to grow.
DC: What about "boots on the ground," do we have the manpower to cover the larger story?
Howdy: That could be a problem. If another news story suddenly erupts, the US might be stretched too thin to cover it. E.g., if the Michael Jackson case gets a new twist, we could experience a temporary "blackout," or "hiatus." During that time, "America" could be "at risk." We could be blindsided by another irrelevant news story. And it might just be devastating. -zzzht---pfft
DC: We seem to have lost our signal. That was Howdy Getso, reporting from Eastern Blogovia.