06E012

The Woes of the XS

Its hard being a size extra small.

I’m tired of the common scenario: a round rack full of enticingly attractive clothes and me desperately jerking each article looking for a “XS” tag and finding only a repulsive “M” or “L” or even “XL”. Either there is a high demand for little sizes… or there are big fat manufacturers off in a little office conspiring to disproportionately mass-produce the larger sizes.

I’ve heard of the “fattening of America” and it seems that designers have decided to focus on clothing its participants. I can’t even trust a small to be a real small anymore. The sound of extra small therefore seems like it should be a reliable choice. When I do find clothing in a size extra-small I become dangerously lenient with other details. I just looked at an extra-small shirt on Ebay and I thought to myself, “I have to snatch it up because it may actually fit- even if I don’t like the color, or the pattern, or the defective hole in the breast area!”

Reprehensibly, it is too often the case that a “so-called” extra-small is still too large for my frame. Many name brands have been guilty of Size Misrepresentation. With a false sense of security, I have ordered XS button-down shirts online from Banana Republic and Victoria Secret. The shirts hung on me and instead of a tailored professional, I looked like a small bohemian!

Pants are even more difficult to purchase. I don’t even know what to do with all the extra material found in the seat area. If I was a seamstress, I could cut it out and make a whole other pair of pants. There’s no respect for those of us born without butts even with our spokes-model, Paris Hilton, parading around.

On top of everything, I get no sympathy. I get “That’s terrible. I wish I had that problem.” How about you show a little sympathy fatso? Its your inability to stay away from a potato chip that put me in this predicament.

I’ve gone on the offensive now. When a co-worker recently said, “Oh, I have those same pair of jeans you’re wearing!” I responded, “Oh really? In a size zero, too?” I knew very well she must be in the double digits though. She laughed nervously.

Size zero is another size I hunt out because its supposed to be comparable to an XS. Doesn’t the number zero mean “nothing, nonexistent” though? That might be the whole problem right there. I do exist and I deserve the opportunity to find fitted clothes easily! I actually have a Guess shirt in my closet now that- no lie- says “00.” At first I thought the store cashiers may have been looking at me so hard because they were jealous, but now I’m thinking maybe its because they are having trouble seeing me since, reportedly, I don’t exist.