New GOP Products for 2006


Ever Wonder How the 'Big Boys' Get Away with It? Well, Here's How --

Scott McClellan's Random Android Reactor
Evade questions the way Scotty does! Comes with full instructions for using lines like "I've already answered that question," even though you haven't, and "I can't comment on an ongoing investigation," even though you have. Use to your advantage in daily life! Just think, the next time your boss asks you why you were a half-hour late, baffle him by responding "My policy is clear on that subject," or when the spouse wonders why you were out until one in the morning and didn't call, slap down "I'm not playing the blame game, I'm not finger-pointing -- let's move on!" Leave 'em gasping and get off  'Scott'-free! Comes with the ironclad Bush White House Guarantee: We'll keep your money anyway if you're not completely satisfied, so what else have you got to lose! Order today!

The GOP General Alibi Generator and Gullible Electorate Responder
Take a tip from the most successful American political party of the past decade and blame it all on the Democrats! Next time you're caught with your hand in the cookie jar, just say "Clinton did it, too," and dodge the blame! Includes the Complete Luntz-Approved Playbook of Framing the Debate, with zingers you can use in real life! Here are some sample situations and the 'can't fail' GOP G.A.G.G.E.R. that will get YOU off the hook! "We have six witnesses who saw you rob that bank." "That is just another vicious partisan attack!"; "How did the murder weapon get into your car?" "Now is not the time to play politics!"; "We have you on tape lying." "This is just more of your 'Gotcha' game and I refuse to respond!" and many, many more! Order your GOP G.A.G.G.E.R. now, before everyone catches on!

RNC Constitutional Reading Aid Processor
Just slip on these incredible computerized glasses and, as you read, this amazing device automatically filters out or changes any passages in the U.S. Constitution that conflict with your core beliefs, or those of your campaign contributors. Great for interpreting voting laws, U.N. decisions and other legal documents as well, even the Holy Bible! Have it say what you want it to say the RNC C.R.A.P. way! This is a limited time offer, so act now! (Requires 271 Diebold 'Red State' batteries to operate.) If you order within the next ten days, we'll throw in a GOP G.A.G.G.E.R. (see above) absolutely free!