Channeling Changes or
“Hail, Cthulu! Hail, Hades! Hail, Azazael! Hail, Beelzebub,
most high father of lies and bringer of pestilence, avarice, war, degradation
and evil, the hulking, scaly beast that slouches in the night! Oh, master of
the underworld and the fiery pits of doom, hear this plea from your humble
"Hey, Dick, lunch is ready!"
"Okay, be right there. I was just praying."
"We're having your favorite -- barbequed goat's head and Devil's Grip beer."
"Did you leave the eyes in?"
"Um, ummmm, that's good eatin'!"
"Here, Dick, why don't you start off with this quart of beer while I set the table."
"I believe I will, Jean. Ummmm, beer."
"My, Dick, that blaze orange vest certainly sets off your cold blue eyes."
"Yes, I've always thought I cut quite the dashing figure in my hunting togs."
"Dick, you've finished that quart already!"
"And I'll be damned if I'm not ready for another one! (Belch)"
"You'd better pace yourself or you're gonna be stewed by the time we go out hunting."
"Less talk, woman, more beer."
"Ha, ha, Dick'll be all right once he gets a couple of goat eyeballs in him -- right, Dick?"
"Got that right, Harry. Where is that grub anyway?"
"Here's your beer. It'll be ready in a minute, Sugarpants."
"Say, Dick, you plannin' on baggin' a few fat quail out there today?"
"Actually, Harry, I was thinking of a different kind of game."
"'A different kind of game'? What would that be? Dick, why are you looking at me like that..."
"Welcome back to Meet the Press, let me introduce our panel: Over here is John Fund of the Wall Street Journal; syndicated columnist Roger Simon; William Safire of the New York Times, and Byron York of the National Review. Presenting the Bush Administration's side of the news is Mary Matalin, formerly an advisor to Vice President Dick Cheney."
"Harry, we need more insurance."
"Don't worry, I just signed up for a new policy from AARP."
"You mean the same AARP that shafted us by supporting Bush's Medicare plan?"
"What kind of shoes are those?"
"Say, excuse me, those running shoes you're wearing -- what brand are they?"
"They're Avanti's. Everybody's wearing them."
"Listen, I know I'm a complete stranger just running by in this marathon, but can I use your laptop for a minute?"
"What? What's wrong with you? No, you can't use my laptop! Leave me alone before I call a cop!"
"Dad, can I have $80.00 to buy some new jeans?"
"Are you on drugs? Eighty bucks for a pair of pants? You think I'm made of money? Ever since I invested in that Avanti shoe stock we've been wiped out. Thanks, Ameritraitor! Here's twenty, go find something at Target."