Advice for the Romantically Challenged


Recently, I discovered something about myself I did not know before. You live with yourself for so long and then one day bam - you discover something you didn't know about yourself. It's a rather humbling experi­ence to say the least, and the least said about this the better.

All I will say on this matter is simply this: You know your puppy love has matured when you find yourself in the doghouse. And I found myself recently a resident of the proverbial doghouse. I shouldn't complain; many people don't ever find themselves. I'm not sure which is worse, to find yourself in the doghouse or not to find yourself at all.

What I discovered about myself is that in many regards, I fit very nicely into the category of the romantically challenged, and I didn't know I was a competitor. I never considered myself in this category, but a recent event proved this was true about me.

It was around my wife's birthday when the incident happened. Weeks prior to her birthday, my wife kept dropping hints she would like a ring for her birthday. Being the astute husband I thought I was, I made several mental notes. I must confess most of those notes were mislaid somewhere or written in invisible ink, which may account for the discrepancy associated with my action.

Knowing my wife wanted a ring on her birthday, I got up early on her special day and called her on her cell phone.

I don't have to tell you the trouble I was in. At the time, I thought it was a very romantic thing to do. Evidently, one person's definition of "ring" is different from someone else's - namely mine. Who knew? I didn't.

This only points out the, difference between husbands and wives. For example, if a woman sees a little flame of fire, she thinks of candles and romance. When a man sees the same little flame, he thinks of steaks and grilling. I suppose true romance is found somewhere between candles and grilling.

Life being what it is husbands are usually the last to know trouble is brewing in the romantic sector of his life. Usually, and I'm speaking from experience, the husband knows he's in trouble but doesn't know why he's in trouble or how in the world he got there in the first place. It is one of those mysteries of being a husband.

One mistake husbands usually make is trying to find out what is wrong. Men are not genetically prepared to process this sort of information. The best he can do is simply look his wife right in the eye and say, "Honey, you are absolutely right and I apologize." It is not important what you are apologizing for. Nothing is more irrelevant in this situation than facts or information.

I have found that romance runs the gamut from the honeymoon to the honey-do. The "honey-do" period covers a lot of territory.