Women (The weaker sex? Not so much.)


 I have decided to bring attention to the plight of the average middle-aged male, who, like me, finds himself suddenly single again, by going on a hunger strike. Okay, hunger strike may be a bit of a stretch, but I did skip lunch before sitting down to write this.

 I was recently put on waivers and given my unconditional release by my girlfriend; after having been together for six plus years, she declined to pick up my option year, leaving me free to negotiate with any interested female who would want to sign me to a free-agent contract.

 It's always tough to get cut loose, because you always feel that it was just a fluke, a bad year, you'll come back stronger than ever, "Put me in, coach, I'm ready to play".

 Okay, I think I've pushed the sports contract as a metaphor for love relationships as far as I can; I probably could have come up with something better, but hey, I skipped lunch.

 Forty-five years old and alone again; scary thought. It's not like before, when I was young. I actually have to have some substance, some redeeming quality, which is a depressing thought, because, in my mind, I am still that same callow youth of yesteryear, given to excess in everything, women, drink, parties, and women. I know, I put down women twice. I did say excess, didn't I? However, the reality is that I'm not the same man I was twenty years ago; I have become the guy I vowed I would never be, the lonely guy.

 I figured that it couldn't be that hard to get back in the swing of things, I mean, come on, women are the same now as they were back then, right? Not so much, I am discovering; I thought that I would find a woman near my age, wow her with my worldliness and courtly manners, and ride off into the sunset. I have since found out that a lot of women in my age bracket aren't interested in guys my age because, and somewhere, whoever was responsible for women is yukking it up, women reach their sexual peak in their forties, while men reach it in their teens and twenties. The thought of such inequity brings to mind a quote from Homer; "D'oh!" Well, which Homer did you think I meant?

 Anyway, to return to my original train of thought, women know when men reach their peak, as evidenced by the Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher relationship. I guess I could a date a younger woman, but how long can that last? How long before she decides that if she's going to date an old guy, she should at least date one with money. This leaves me alone again, but oh well; I shouldn't give up hope; somewhere out there is a woman looking for an intelligent, witty handsome, middle-aged man, and failing to find him, will give me a shot.