The Invasion of the hair snatchers



It just takes four words to make an adult man cry like a little girl: 'You are getting bald'


These are not regular words, these are evil words. After hearing the words, a pure and overwhelming terror will take over the man’s mind, just as if The Candyman had been invoked. No other sentence is so scary, not even a death sentence (well, with the exception of: “Honey, I am pregnant”)


The idea of hair loss is such an excruciating concept for men, that some of them may be able to attempt quite daredevil activities, like bungee jumping, sky diving or expired food-eating, but a single reference to a lack of ‘foliage’ in the head will make them run and hide underneath the bed.


Actually, film industry is wasting time and money making terror movies about vampires, werewolves, and possessed girls who throw up green stuff (which sounds like friday night for teenagers). None of these topics will give the creeps to the male audience as much as the tribulations of a man and his balding image in the mirror. It is surprising that Stephen King hasn't come up with a book about it yet.   


Most of the human beings of the male gender spend their adult lives trying to escape from the horror of the baldness, just as the main characters in vampires movies run away from Dracula’s attacks.In both cases, evil forces always end up capturing innocents; the main difference is that, after turning into a vampire, you can no longer see your reflection in mirrors, and when you are bald, well, you wish you couldn’t. 


As in horror movies, the tragedy will happen any simple day, without a warning or announcent from the Government. Suddenly, this Freddy Krugger of the male self-esteem called Alopecia shows up and menaces the main source of the victim's masculinity (well, maybe the second source of masculinity), threatening the target of his hunt with his knive-fingered hands, as if to remind the victim that it is the last time he will see scissors near his head. The man will wake up one day only to notice his brush full of hair, and this time the hair will not be his wife's, or his son's, not even his dog's.


This is the beggining, the confirmation that a new victim of the gore movie of the hairline fell into the clutches of the baldness. Soon after the ‘brush incident’, the man starts suffering the effects of this Evil Eye; and a few months later, a fair looking male human being will be turned into


Boom-Boom, Boom-Boom, (scary music in crescendo)


a Thanksgiving pumpkin with legs.


Unfortunatelly, this jinx doesn’t have a magic potion to reverse the effects; and, for the record, implants, wigs and ointments should not be considered as options, unless you want to look like a Frankestein made of Play Dohs.


In case of hair-snatching, only one thing can be done: find a comfortable spot under the bed and start crying…and stay away from mirrors, otherwise you will notice that where your head used to be now you see 


Boom-Boom, Boom-Boom,


A bowling ball with eyes.