How to get your own web site
† Being the typical North American that I am (greedy and lazy), I thought I would design my own web site and ask people for money, while offering some little service they donít know yet they really need. Itís the latest craze. Everyone is doing it. And so shall I.
† My twelve-year-old cousin found his first girlfriend on the Internet. That is, until his mother found out she was twenty-nine and saw pictures to prove it. There was a lot of yelling and commotion over at their house that day.
† I understand that a guy got a million people out there to give him a dollar on some web site, proving that someone, even a loser, could actually make a million bucks off the Internet. I am hoping that these people will be good enough to prove it twice.
† Oh, the joys of the modern age. You donít even need a job to become a millionaire. You just need to make people feel cool and hip in an exciting, hi tech, superficial kind of way. I think I can do that.
† Last month I actually left the house (it was the first time in a long time) and bought a new computer. I bought special software with a name that made me think of puffy clouds, rainbows and the answers to all my dreams. I worked on my web site for three weeks, some of those days actually eight hours straight. I suffered, I wept, I screamed in frustration. I gained ten pounds from eating Jos. Louises, day and night. Then I decided to use my head and hire some smarty-pants high school kid to do the job.†
† The total outlay was three thousand dollars, plus a bunch of All American Rejects CDs for the high school kid. Then, after his dad came pounding on my door asking for some "real cash," another five hundred dollars for the high school kid.
† Now I have my own web site, complete with flash videos (I really apologize for causing all those seizures), completely unauthorized links to cool web sites, cookies that later go back and advertise personal aids, and hidden software that multiplies the number of visitors by 137.
†† I have to say, though, that this whole web site thing is turning out to be a real bummer. So far it has cost me $4,876.47. I have all this neat stuff that I copy off the Internet but itís only brought in twenty dollars, all from my mother who thinks I donít know it was her. (Mom heard about that guy and the million bucks.)††
† If anyone has any idea how I can get out of the legal mess Iím in now, please let me know. Just visit my web site. Itís called www.sendmeadollarUStoo.com. Send me money too, while youíre at it. I could really use some.
† I had $20 but I spent it on Jos. Louises. Thanks.