07-067
How to get your own web site
Being the typical North American that I am
(greedy and lazy), I thought I would design my own web site and ask people for
money, while offering some little service they don’t know yet they really need.
It’s the latest craze. Everyone is doing it. And so shall I.
My twelve-year-old cousin found his first
girlfriend on the Internet. That is, until his mother found out she was
twenty-nine and saw pictures to prove it. There was a lot of yelling and
commotion over at their house that
day.
I understand that a guy got a million people
out there to give him a dollar on some web site, proving that someone, even a
loser, could actually make a million bucks off the Internet. I am hoping that
these people will be good enough to prove it twice.
Oh, the joys of the modern age. You don’t
even need a job to become a millionaire. You just need to make people feel cool
and hip in an exciting, hi tech, superficial kind of way. I think I can do
that.
Last month I actually left the house (it was
the first time in a long time) and bought a new computer. I bought special
software with a name that made me think of puffy clouds, rainbows and the
answers to all my dreams. I worked on my web site for three weeks, some of
those days actually eight hours straight. I suffered, I wept, I screamed in
frustration. I gained ten pounds from eating Jos. Louises, day and night. Then
I decided to use my head and hire some smarty-pants high school kid to do the
job.
The total outlay was three thousand dollars,
plus a bunch of All American Rejects CDs for the high school kid. Then, after
his dad came pounding on my door asking for some "real cash," another
five hundred dollars for the high school kid.
Now I have my own web site, complete with
flash videos (I really apologize for causing all those seizures), completely
unauthorized links to cool web sites, cookies that later go back and advertise
personal aids, and hidden software that multiplies the number of visitors by
137.
I have to say, though, that this whole web
site thing is turning out to be a real bummer. So far it has cost me $4,876.47.
I have all this neat stuff that I copy off the Internet but it’s only brought
in twenty dollars, all from my mother who thinks I don’t know it was her. (Mom
heard about that guy and the million bucks.)
If anyone has any idea how I can get out of
the legal mess I’m in now, please let me know. Just visit my web site. It’s
called www.sendmeadollarUStoo.com. Send me money too, while you’re at it. I
could really use some.
I had $20 but I spent it on Jos. Louises.
Thanks.