08-002
Posterior Scripts
Today’s
news is rampant with the spread of the posterior. I am referring to the part of
the anatomy on which one sits. It seems that we Americans are achieving new
widths in this area. Being clever marketers, the clothing manufactures have
capitalized on this trend.
Gone
are the days when one purchased a pair of pants solely on waist size and
length. The color and pattern, casual or dress styles where the only decisions
required. In today’s market, the choices when purchasing a single pair of blue
jeans now means that the consumer not only check the size of the belly, but
also make a trip to the three way mirror to determine his precise body type.
Allow me to elaborate.
On a
recent trip to the Men’s Department at Saks Fifth Avenue (where such items
would not have been offered not so long ago), in addition to selecting a few
new ties for husband, I decided to peruse the casual clothing. A very eager and
overly helpful young salesman approached me. “May I help you, Miss?
“I was
just looking, really. But, I thought that I might just pick up a new pair of
jeans for my husband while I was here. What do you recommend?”
“What
size is he?”
“He’s a
32, 34.”
“Oh,
I’m sorry, but the manufactures no longer make jeans in a specific inch length.
Would he qualify as a short, average or long?”
“Well,
I’m not really sure. Average I guess.”
“Would
he prefer the flared or straight leg?”
To the
best of my knowledge, bell bottoms had gone out of style shortly after I was
born. “Straight, I think.”
“What
color? We carry them in black, charcoal, gray, brown, tan, green, khaki,
camouflage, stone washed, light, medium and dark blue, classic or the new worn
look.”
Having
seen young people crisscrossing the City in the worn look, I knew that style
was not an option. The garments in this category are replete with bleached
fronts, permanent wrinkles and holes. This was the very reason I was
contemplating the purchase in the first place. In addition, I have always
thought of blue jeans as being blue.
“Hum,
the classic, I think”, attempting not to sound too old fashioned.
“Well,
let’s see now. We carry those in regular fit, trim fit, relaxed fit, two way
stretch, three way stretch, pleated, high rise, low rise, natural waist, and
baggy.”
Now
came the real decision. Did I want his arse to bulge slightly, protrude
extensively, or be hidden completely from view? Should his rear be completely
covered to somewhere near his top vertebrae, to his midriff, to just above his
gluteus maximums, or should it completely hang out?
“Well,
I’m not sure on that one. Maybe I better wait and just let him purchase his
own.”
“Very
well” was his snippy reply as he turned heals and headed toward a younger
woman. Obviously, she was more adept at making butt decisions.