08-012

 

Retired, Married and Living in Mexico

 

Marriage is great. And any man reading this not married, all I can say is, ďCoward!Ē

 

Iím retired and live with my wife 24 hours a day. Sometimes I get time off for good behavior, she letís me sleep.

 

I will admit, especially us retired married men living in Mexico, American women are more adventurous. Thatís why American men are living in Mexico in the first place. This goes against history because, as we all know, women do not make good explorers. Name two?The reason is, women never like getting lost (Exploring is getting lost, no?) and women explorers spend too much time asking directions and not exploring. Whereas I will never ask directions if I get lost, Iíll just keep exploring. Actually I never get lost; I just havenít found where Iím going.

 

A person living outside the United States is called an ďex-patĒ or ex-patriot. I never could understand why. Iím patriotic, but never fought with the Minutemen at Concord. Maybe it means an ex-pat is a disgruntled New England Patriots football fan who lost the Super Bowl and fled to another country.

 

The food in Mexico is great. But let me warn you do not order a burrito. In Spanish that means ďlittle burro.Ē Iím guessing now, but I think the taste of burro, young or old, is probably pretty yucky. Of course Mexicans use hot pepper on most foods including ice cream, corn flakes and tapioca pudding. The taco, which is a corn tortilla hiding something is a staple in Mexican cuisine. Some tacos, Iíve never looked whatís inside, donít you either, can be as hot as Julia Child cooking with napalm. Because of the generous use of hot pepper in Mexico, I recommend cold beer with every meal. Breakfast included.

 

When American women come to Mexico the first thing they do is shop for a new wardrobe. It doesnít matter if they have three closets full of clothes they always want to look stylish and dress like an alluring senorita. All married men, none of the above COWARDS, know and accept this without question. In Mexico, I shop with my wife. Like the old Mexican saying: (Loosely translated) To shop with a woman, man is El banco and El burro.

 

Now some men come down here and marry Mexican women. Hurrah for them. Mexican women are the way God wanted woman to be. Mexican women cook, clean, wash, scrub, have children and never question their man. The downside of a Mexican wife is: (Again a lose translation) If you fight with a Mexican woman you need God on your side. And even with God on your side, it is only is a FAIR fight. In Mexico, women do not divorce men, they hide the bodies.