08-021
Tenure
Track
In
the olden days, there were always students who thought they knew more on a
given subject matter than the educator paid to present the material. These
individuals were commonly referred to as pains in the posterior, though rougher
metaphorical language sometimes surfaced when the aggrieved teacher was removed
from mixed company and offered the opportunity to procure several rounds of
medicinal libation at a local establishment after five. These aggressive know it all students were few
in number, as high school Darwinism usually produced sufficient scorn and
physical abuse to dampen all but the most total pompous prig’s zeal to out
teach the teacher.
Alas,
those halcyon days have long since past, and current faculty must suffer not
merely a single annoying entity in their classroom, but the grave risk of
encountering three or four score of students armed to the teeth with the latest
research and materials plucked hot from the internet for the purposes of
defeating the would be educator in intellectual battle publically. Even the school jocks have crib sheets put
together by Harvard English majors for their classes on “Romeo and Juliette”
and Arthur Miller’s “Death of a Salesman.”
As such, each and every class has become the opportunity for an epic
type battle, complete with Homeric overtones.
“I,
Professor of History with a Master’s from New York University, specializing in
Ancient Civilizations, cum laude 1994 present to you, my theory on how the
Greeks would have viewed the afterlife, based on the readings of Homer and
other notable playwrights from the same era.”
“I’ve
read your thesis. It was shot down in
flames by a subsequent dissertation at Yale and later the University of
Chicago, wherein comparative literature from across multiple cultures attempted
to discern the distinct understanding of the Greek epistemology 500 BC and
found little in the way of consistency, owing to the topography of Greece
itself. Even Harvard’s classic’s
program had to disown several prior dissertations that reflected that less
coherent and theologically sound understanding of the human condition as
perceived by the ancient people of Greece.”
“I
have a dozen websites indicating this revelation of yours is over four years
old.”
“I
contacted your professor and got him to admit he only gave you an A because he
liked you personally.”
“The
substitute last week was much better informed.”
“Why
aren’t you giving us the original Greek and allowing us to translate to see if
we agree with the interpretation rendered in the book?”
“Wouldn’t
you kids rather play Wii or something?”
“Sure
thing Professor J!”
“Awesome!”
“We
won’t expose your ignorance again.”
And
as the class settles into a silent peace, wherein the students turn on their
Ipods and blackberries, laptops and cellphones, the professor sits and stares
at his once upon a time finely crafted lecture and waits for the period to end
in silence.
Thus
the professor of English made tenure and became an institution at the
prestigious high school. He was also known to drink liberally.