American Idle


There seems to be much bustling and a-do over the recent (and by recent I mean the last six years. To anyone over 30 that is recent) television show “American Idol”.  This show has brought unknown young people to fame and fortune. They sing their hearts out just to get them pounded on by Simon Cowell. They play a game of “Simon Says” to see where they go next. Some of the lucky ones get through it all, like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood.  Now these lovely ladies are household names as their marvelous talents have been brought out from their bedroom mirrors singing into their hair brushes into the glare of Hollywood's spotlights. They tour, they sing, they sign autographs and basically live on enormous buses. Yet to claim this is the life that most American's dream of, I would have to bicker.


The life that the rest of us unknown, unsung, unsinging 98% of our world dreams of is not “American Idol”, but “American Idle”. Americans wish to do the least amount of work known to man while still earning exorbitant amounts of money doing so. We watch the infomercials promising us wealth while our internet makes money 24/7.  We basically do nothing! The only work is to open the mail and cash the checks! In fact this mail could be forwarded to us as we are vacationing in Bora Bora watching white sails go by. Twenty four hour cash flow at our fingertips if we buy the kit for three easy payments of $99.95 plus shipping and handling. “A steal when you think of the wealth you will make afterwards!“ the narrator says as he sips a martini on the sands of Bora Bora.


“Why I only had this rich quick kit for a week and I made five million dollars! It was incredible! I'd have to be working like 300 years at the Waffle House before ever making that much after taxes!” laughs a perky, bikini clad, blond consumer interviewed by the narrator.


We sit on our sofas at 2am and soak it all in eating cheese puffs and leftover meatloaf. “Bet I could do that. Bet I'm much smarter then that there perky blond.  Why I could make me ten million dollars the first week!” we tell ourselves.


So the number gets called, the three easy payments are made and the “American Idle” dream goes on.  Oh to no longer hear that annoying buzz of your alarm clock at five am! To never have to face a boss but to be your own boss! To finally be able to sleep and get up in three weeks if you want to! Or then again, you could just roll over.


When you finally get up you see another infomercial on how to loose the fifty pounds you gained by just swallowing one little pill! “WOW! Just send in three easy payments of $99.95 and it's yours!”


The American Idleness goes on and on.