I had come to the end of the line. At 55, and single long enough to know that I was far too old for the majority of men my age to consider dating, I made plans. My major resolution for the year 2008 was to eschew the company of men, especially in matters beyond friendship.
Imagine my surprise when a peri-geriatric Cupid shot me completely through with a well-timed arrow days before my maniacal and exclusionary plan was to take place. (I’ve developed theories about this romantic entity’s faulty lens prescription and possible Parkinson’s affliction affecting his aim, but have yet to confirm these issues.)
Suddenly, I forgave all of those married or dating friends who told me “Stop looking for love and it will find YOU.” After the first date with my new partner, I somehow lost the murderous urge to stop this slogan by throttling each and every bearer of those wise tidings.
New love is exhilarating, but I am determined that this relationship pass the test of time (at least the modest amount that I have left). In this spirit, the following are substitute vows that I have made, as my original “no men” pledge is now obsolete and I offer my revised resolutions to assist you in your quest for a suitable companion.
I will never ask my partner “Do I look fat in this?” because if he answered this question affirmatively, I would not have to worry about his honesty, but I should have a great deal of anxiety about his kindness level. If he said “No” I’d have to wonder about his veracity, as well as his failing eyesight.
I will laugh often, but never at the expense of my new partner. A sense of humor is good, not only because it’s healthy, but it will take longer for him to realize if I have truly begun sliding down the long slope into senility.
I will actually become the woman he thinks he loves. I will use the motto “Ad astra per aspera” to be my guide. (This phrase roughly translated – “Get your fanny moving before he finds out what you’re REALLY like.”)
I will marvel that any good stuff can still be new after all these years. I’ll develop a sense of wonder about being able to develop a sense of wonder in my Autumn years and I will reflect on this at least daily. I will repeat the mantra “What a trip!” each time that I think about this – and, thank the Powers That Be. I will smile broadly every time I have occasion to repeat this phrase.
Although the cosmos has seemingly delivered the sweetest sucker punch that I’ve ever experienced, I resolve to enjoy this ride as long as I can with the best company I’ve ever had along for a road trip – and my dearest hope is that it is a long journey.