All Hail The Female Seahorse


The #1 Most Evolved Species On Earth is, of all things, the Seahorse!  I mean, it hasn’t been made official or anything. But after reading about them in Wikipedia, I have realized that, at the very least, seahorses are more highly evolved than humans.  Here’s why:


When a male seahorse and a female seahorse become quite fond of one other and decide it’s time to start a family, it’s the MALE seahorse who gets “pregnant”.  The female seahorse deposits her eggs into the male, and then promptly leaves the scene.  (Males of the human species might be familiar with this sort of behavior.)  The male seahorse fertilizes the egg by some process I’m not aware of because once Wikipedia started explaining that it involves his snout, I stopped reading.  Some private things should just stay private -the fact that male seahorses use their own snouts to fertilize themselves is definitely one of those things.  Anyway - HE carries the growing fetuses and gives birth to thousands of tiny seafoals, as I’m sure they’re called, while SHE is at the sandbar having a cocktail.


How did she manage this genius arrangement?  Since seahorse pregnancies only last 2 weeks, it probably wasn’t a hard sell. One day, a seamare got fed-up and told her mate that she would no longer nag him about seastallion-nights-out if he would be the one to deal with the morning sickness and the stretch marks. He replied “So for 2 weeks of mild discomfort, I can get you off my dorsal fin?! Sign me up!” and that changed evolutionary history.


And ever since that critical moment, male seahorses have been hoping for Natural Selection to intervene so they can mutate a leg with which to kick themselves.


Wikipedia also mentions that seahorses are monogamous. It seems that once the MALES have to struggle with losing the baby weight, monogamy is a big priority to them!  Seahorses are appearing more evolved by the minute.


Polygamy is the norm in the animal kingdom - usually with good reason.  Species survival depends on strong population numbers and healthy bloodlines, therefore “spreading the seed” of the stronger males is crucial. 


Sometimes, with dogs for example, it is more of a physical, biological instinct than a species survival technique- as evidenced by the fact that there hasn’t been a single case of a sofa cushion giving birth to puppies.


In fact, the “biological instinct” excuse is often used by human males to explain their carousing, which is why the “men are dogs” theory is entirely their own fault. True…there is at least one biological effect that happens to a man when he is attracted to a woman, but that is not a justification for behaving like an animal. And the only instinct he should be concerned with is the one that tells him he will be “in the doghouse” for letting biology get the best of him.


If men were as evolved as seahorses, they’d realize that.