Recently, President Obama started the selection process for
his cabinet. Turns out there is a questionnaire for potential employees to fill
out. So I’m answering it. Hey, I’m as
qualified as anyone else. Okay, maybe not. But I’m applying anyway. After all,
what do I have to lose? Other than my dignity and self-respect, of course. On
the other hand I’m a mom. Let’s be real. Once a parent changes that first
diaper on a table at a fast-food restaurant, self-respect and dignity are long
describe the most controversial matters you have been involved in during
the course of your career.
Starting when the Boy was 18 months old, I was part of a controversial
movement called “Getting that Dang Kid Toilet-Trained.” The subject of the
toilet training met this with tremendous resistance and I subsequently
abandoned the effort. I hasten to add, however, that the project was taken
over by another employee of the parental group and was successful.
Personally, I think I failed because of the whole “standing up” thing.
Total gender bias, if you ask me.
identify all speeches you have given.
Really? All of them? According to the Boy and the Husband there are like
982 of them. I can give you a rundown of the recurrent themes: I’m Right,
You’re Wrong; It’s the Bank’s Fault, They Gave Me More Checks Than Money;
If Your Friends Jumped Off a Bridge, Would You Need to Follow; and Quiet!
Mommy Needs to Focus So She Can Win This Flamingo Cookie Jar on EBay.
- If you
have ever sent an electronic communication…that could be an embarrassment
Hey, I never, ever forward those stupid angel emails. Oh, fine. Once I
forwarded a funny parenting one. It involved discipline, long car rides
and a kid strapped to the hood of the vehicle. I can forward it if you
want to see it. It was actually very funny. But other than that, no.
- If you
ever kept a diary…that could be a source of embarrassment…
Seriously? I’m a female. It’s a law that we all have diaries before the
age of ten. And all of it is embarrassing.
- Do you
presently have…domestic help?
I wish. Have you ever tried to get a 12 year old to make his bed or put
his clothes away? And let’s not even talk about the other employee who
lives here. He makes the bed, all right. But please. Is it too much to ask
that he put the throw pillows in the correct arrangement? And tell me, why
can’t either of them figure out the correct position of the toilet seat?
It’s like living with wild animals. So, to answer your question, no I
don’t have any domestic help. Only domestic hindrances.
Okay, I think my work is done
here. And from the look of it, I believe Hillary might have some competition
for that Secretary of State position. Just not from me, of course.