09-008
How to feel sorry for yourself
Feeling
sorry for yourself is ok. But, getting other people to feel sorry for you and
then reluctantly joining in is so much more satisfying.
Although,
some people display natural self pitying ability from an early age, for many of
us it is a matter of practice, trial and error especially if we don’t just wish
to do it alone.
Self
pity should not be confused with misery however much some people seem to enjoy
it. Misery usually requires a
demonstration of hurt and pain whereas competent self pityists aim for the
bearing stoically and silently of one’s burdens in a dignified manner which can
be done alone as a silent meditation but generally it is best if other people
appreciate what you are going through.
But
for the newcomer tired of going it alone how can this “Enhanced Self Pity” be
achieved? There are two criteria to get right - audience and subject. Getting
either wrong can lead to misery which is to be avoided (see above).
Audience
Audiences
are best selected from people who have nothing better to do such as your
co-workers.
Many
people turn to a small but significant audience consisting of their own mother
and work out from there.
Your
lawyer or accountant can be an excellent audience but are likely to wish to charge
you for it by the minute and therefore should be treated as a last resort.
Often
parents make the mistake of trying Enhanced Self Pity after they have
repeatedly tried screaming, pleading, crying and bribing in their attempt to
exercise control over their teenage children. However, sadly teenagers like
some retirees seem immune to any suffering other than their own.
Spouses
can be excellent audiences provided the subject is life threatening and you
have had the foresight to take out a substantial life insurance policy
otherwise they are not known for their bedside manner.
Subject
For
Solitary Self Pity the subject can be entirely selfish and range from imagining
your own death (however distant) to not being invited to a party. However, in
Enhanced Self Pity the subject is opened to public scrutiny and therefore needs
to be gritty without the consequences being too serious for you. For this
reason, a terminal illness or the loss of a leg has limited appeal. It is best to focus on other people letting
you down. This is acknowledged to be emotionally painful without any physical
suffering on your part.
Whereas
your teenage children make a lousy audience they are an excellent subject and
elicit immediate sympathy even from the most cynical audience as will your
boss, your spouse or aging parents.
After
age 45, feeling sorry for yourself is up there with sex and getting your son to
mow the lawn but only if it is done right.