ANGRY ELECTORATE NOW SEEKS TO REPLACE GOD
While last year’s election understandably focused on the widespread desire for political change, a new poll reveals deep-seated anger with God’s performance, with large majorities now favoring a change in the position of “Supreme Being.”
The survey, conducted, appropriately enough, by the Pew Poll, reveals that by more than a two-to-one margin, Americans feel that the Universe is on the wrong track, there is no light at the end of the Black Hole, and that the Sun may not even come up tomorrow.
While most respondents still blame the Bush Administration for the invasion of Iraq and the dismal economy, an overwhelming 77% hold God accountable for the sectarian strife between the Sunni and Shia, deadly natural disasters such as earthquakes and hurricanes, and the inability to buy a six-pack of Budweiser before noon on a Sunday.
Reached for comment, God responded by saying, “Look, I’ve been doing this job for more than four billion, err… I mean six thousand years, so I don’t think there’s anyone else with enough experience to wreak havoc on the world, with the possible exception of Dick Cheney.”
Perhaps not surprisingly, a majority of poll respondents were also against the idea of Jesus taking over, citing “Bush 43” as an example of what can happen when a “son succeeds the Father.”
Huge majorities were also receptive to the idea of term limits for God, with proposals ranging from “Two Millennia,” to the more stringent “two-year terms” of U.S. Congressmen.
A spokesperson for Hillary Clinton denied that she was prepared to throw her hat into the ring. However, Bill Clinton was captured on YouTube telling a reporter that “this is the crack in the ultimate ceiling that Hillary and I have been waiting our whole lives for.”
In anticipation of new elections for God, jockeying for position among the States has already started. Delegations from Iowa and New Hampshire have asserted their time-honored right to go first with their caucuses or primaries, while small-town Pennsylvanians are making the case that those who are most bitter and cling to God, should also go first in voting for God.
There is also speculation that that agnostics and atheists, particularly those located in Florida and Michigan, will be granted, at best, only a one-half vote.
However, a proposal to utilize the Diebold Corporation’s election machinery is running into stiff resistance, for fear that the next God may end up being Pat Buchanan.
But in perhaps the ultimate sign of hunger for radical change at the top, a whopping 89% of respondents stated that they were even willing to “take a chance” on a “Black God,” as long as it’s “someone who is well-prepared for the role … such as Morgan Freeman.”