LET’S GO BUCS!
Amidst our global economic crisis, the entrepreneurs of one impoverished nation have embraced an old business plan that is virtually recession-proof. The ambitious young men of Somalia are turning to piracy. They set out to sea attempting to take over ships, using hostility if need be. Once the ship is acquired, the pirates ransom it to its ownership board to bail out the ship and crew, leaving the pirates much wealthier. This process very occasionally works. If only corporations in the West would adopt such practices, perhaps we could soon end this recession.
However, until then, you can still take advantage of the piracy boom going on right now. These painstakingly researched suggestions can guide you to finding and landing that special job, a buccaneer of the high seas. Despite over 100 ships being attacked last year alone and despite the increased naval patrols by a veritable who’s who of UN nations, the growth of this field is expected to continue exponentially.
Even in an economy mired in poverty, the professional pirate can make a comfortable living with comparatively little investment. One only needs some fellow pirates, weapons, and a speedboat. As the price for even this modest inventory may be prohibitive, many aspiring pirates join pirate groups or co-ops.
Networking is the surest path to being accepted into a co-op. A recommendation by a pirate is the best way to join, however few will admit to being pirates in mixed company. The next time you are out and see someone who might be a pirate, perhaps he has an eye patch, wooden leg, a hook, etc., strike up a friendly conversation. Drop in little references to how much you enjoy the sea and small arms fire. Pirates are always looking for able bodies, and very likely your new companion will suggest you meet his associates.
You will need to submit a resume. Remember to focus on the specific job title desired, such as deck swabber, booty counter, or keel-hauler. Be very thorough in listing your relevant pirate experiences which may include: naval service, fishing (deep sea or fresh water), have fired and/or admiration for automatic weapons, community theater roles in Pirates of Penzance, etc.
Also include a cover letter. Do not send out a bundle of form letters. Absolutely nothing offends a pirate’s sensibilities more than the fact you did not care enough to write a specific letter to his co-op.
You will not find pirate jobs posted in the local paper. Therefore you will need to post your resume. Some message boards frequented by pirates include Racketeers Unto the Main (R.U.M.), The Privateer Organization of Larcenous Leviathanic Yarns (P.O.L.L.Y.), and the Western Pismo Beach Yacht Club.
So if you are looking for work in an exciting growth industry and want an opportunity to be part of a team of like-minded individuals, then follow these steps to secure a spot in a pirate co-op and begin your life of swashbuckling adventure today.