10-013
How Government Plans to
Achieve Potty Parity
The House
Oversight and Government Reform Committee finally recognized its oversight and
held hearings last month on the “Potty Parity Act.”
Apparently,
too many women were caught doing The Funky Chicken in hallways and standing
guard outside men’s restrooms in government facilities during fiscal breaks.
Just like
“a chicken in every pot,” during the F. D. Roosevelt Administration, this Bill
promises to put the number of pots in men’s and ladies restrooms at least –
equal; thereby providing a pot for every Funky Chicken.
Don’t let
the door signs “Men” and “Women” fool you. There are usually an equal number of
rooms. It’s the number of pots in those rooms that need to be adjusted;
although, during fermentation, me and my bladder were getting rather used to
arguing over when it is time.
Actually,
I keep a full gallon jug of cranberry juice in the trunk of my car, just in
case I happen to find myself in a government facility that is short on pots in
ladies rooms. It’s OK if you are there for just a few hours, but if you are
among the thousands of women who work at a government agency and have to spend
8-hour days there, things can get a little rank if you have to keep holding it
in for those bee-line trips to another floor or the basement to find a vacant
pot. Most people always thought that Nantucket cranberries were only good for
Thanksgiving side dishes, cereals, muffins, and snacks, right? Apparently, so
did Congress.
Thankfully,
Representatives. Towns, Issa, Visclosky, and Clarke (I have my money on Ms.
Clarke) sponsored the Restroom Gender
Parity in Federal Buildings Act (H.R. 4869), which has recently been
Referred to Committee. Otherwise, I would have had to make a large financial
investment in Ocean Spray stock to get a reasonable ROI on all the cranberry
juice that I have to consume annually to neutralize the poison fermented urine
that builds up doing The Funky Chicken. Mother Nature provides no backup system
and you always end up with a headache.
The
draw-back to all of this is that Ocean Spray dropped 4.17% a share on word that government pots will now be
equal. They always report stock fluxes “on word that” something or other in
government has happened. Usually,
Congress has not actually done anything yet, but the word is out.
I have now
switched my investment portfolio to hundreds of stock in bottled water
companies.