Awesome! Amazing!


There’s no stopping the adjective juggernaut of “Awesome” and “Amazing.”  


“Awesome” may have originated with the Founding Fathers.  I was watching “Histor-E!” a cable channel blending tabloid with significant events, and learned that Benjamin Franklin yanked playfully on Gouverneur Morris’s ponytail and brayed, “Awesome Preamble, dude!”


We Americans fear not being cool.  We’ll go to ridiculous lengths, such as unbridled immaturity, to preserve coolness.  “Awesome” from a 17 year old surfer with tattoos, okay.  But coming from the leathered lips of an 87 year old in a retirement home?   “Hey, nurse!  A bed pan?  Awesome!”


A starlet poses on the red carpet.  “It’s awesome!” she gushes to a reporter.  Her co-stars and director?  “Amazing.”  Cuffed and under arrest?  “Awesome.”    


Couldn’t her stylist suggest she turn past the A’s in the thesaurus?  The B, C, and D adjectives are not feeling the love.    


Oh, the jealousies and rivalries among the slang can get nasty.  At their 20th Trendy Remark Reunion, adjectives that were part of the teenager’s arsenal, along with surliness and Clearasil, cope with has-been status. 


Slang retirees such as ‘Nifty,’ ‘Gee’ and ‘Swell’ gather around the alphabet soup bowl.  Wearing love beads, ‘Groovy’ laments the last person to utter his name was Jan Brady. 


‘Super’ reflects on his past glory.  “I was on the top of my game in the 50’s.  It was Superman, super-duper, ‘talk to the super.’  Even Freud used me – the superego.”


“Just have to rub in ‘supermodel,’ don’t you?” ‘Nifty’ snaps.


’Nifty’ and ‘Swell’ are bitter.  In the 1940’s, Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland relied upon “gee,” “swell” and “nifty.”  Occasionally Rooney was edgy, snarling “Daddy-O” in his Boy Town years. 


“Daddy-O is so last centennial,” cracks Nifty.


Daddy-O retorts: “One-hit wonder!”


Once, ‘Swell’ was the choice oath uttered by beaver-coated frat boys, flappers and crooner Rudy Valee.  “Now, I’m only used to describe repugnant medical conditions.”


Poor ‘Nifty’ doesn’t have multiple meanings.  He’s been hitting the ink bottle.


‘Gee’ complains, “Today everyone thinks I’m only a letter.”


The adjectives gossip about ‘Cool,’ who’s wearing a hairpiece and flirting with ‘Amazing.’


“Look at ‘Cool,’ thinking he’s 25 when he’s really 50.”


“‘Cool’ invented that phrase, ‘The new 40 is the old 30.’”


“Psst!  Here comes ‘Punk’d!’”


“Who’s the joker who dropped the ‘e?’” 


“The same person who came up with J.Lo.”


In struts texting stars LOL, BTW and OMG, young, arrogant – too cool for words.  They’re finalists on “Grammarian Idol.”   


The older slang terms point to the Morse Code plaque commemorating their departed friend. 


“This guy communicated using a bunch of beeps,” they grouse.  “Top that, you – abbreviations!”


“You won’t be popular forever!  Just ask ‘Nifty’ here!”


Well, readers.  Until that next technology and generation embrace the latest fad.  (Insert smiley face here).