11-004

Pork and the National Debt

Wasteful government spending that makes no sense at all is often referred to as “pork barrel” spending or just “pork” spending. It has been referred to that way since before the Civil War.

Yes, even Honest Abe had some pork in his budget.

The reference to “pork” has earned such a negative reputation that The National Pork Board (yes, we pay taxes to regulate pigs) is changing its marketing campaign from "Pork: The Other White Meat" to "Pork: Be Inspired." Although I don't know how one can actually feel inspired eating meat that used to be identified with the white meat of a chicken. Why not "Pork: Actualized" or just change the name of the meat to "Pig" and get it over with?

Pig spending is actually representative of the way Congress ridiculously spends money, such as “$2 million to re-construct an ancient Hawaiian canoe,” or “$1 million to preserve a sewer in Trenton, NJ, as an historic monument.”
Many of these bizarre and absurd pork items have been suitably noted in THE GOVERNMENT RACKET: Washington Waste from A to Z, by Martin L. Gross. In his book, Marty provides us with an extensive itemized list. It makes good reading material while educating oneself in the lavatory.

Two strategies come to mind that I believe will reduce the pork fat while simultaneously wiping out our national debt:

1. While outsourcing has become a popular way for large American corporations to save money, poor states like Delaware have been overlooked. A man working at a factory job in New York, earns twice as much as a man doing the same job in Hockessin, DE, where the pay is equivalent to salaries paid in Beijing, China. I suggest more companies be given a stimulus to outsource work to other companies in low paying cities in America, the product could then be labeled properly “Made in America,” And everyone would be happy, including the fellow in Dover, who will probably be so appreciative that he will vote for the elephant or donkey that noisily brays credit for the idea.

2. I would also advise Congress to consolidate. States like Rhode Island with only four electoral votes can be easily merged into States like Massachusetts, which has 13; Vermont can go to New York; New Hampshire to Maine; and so forth, until we evolve into an economic Godzilla. Then, we can go overseas and stomp on China for pirating, bootlegging, and violating US copyright and trademark laws. We should then be able to raise about $100 trillion just on the booty that we find in Shanghai, alone.

We Americans just don’t have any use for Gōng Yáng knock-offs, pork spending, or $14 trillion in national debt. What we really need is to get properly fortified with a dry martini.