I Am Whale

I am a whale. My life used to be easy. I traveled north in the summer and south in the winter, got along with my pod, and ate krill.

I pretty much knew, thanks to mom’s early instruction that I would be passing through areas where people were licensed to kill.  Some were wearing skins and traveling in small boats through icy waters and had high-powered harpoons.

Others looked similar--with the slanty eyes-- but they wore “Hello Kitty” sweatshirts.   I coped and survived many seasons.

But now there are the stalkers that are up your dorsal fin from the beginning of your trip till the end.  The have big boats but launch smaller ones to get up and personal. And some of them don suits that make them look like anorexic seals and they film us underwater—even when we are giving birth for goodness sake.

I was curious and went near their vessel and listened to them—they seem to think they can understand our “what they call ‘song.’ ” From what I gathered-- and I think I understand their language more than they do mine-- they think they are protecting us.  If any of our natural predators attack us, they will intervene; which means get between me and the harpoon—sweet in concept except that there is a heck of a lot more of me then there is them and their small boat.

Also although I am a vegetarian ( give me a break krill doesn’t count for much), which is dictated by my digestive system, these natural omnivores are vegans with the natural aggression of a wombat. I know the fellow with the “Hello Kitty” sweatshirt will prevail. So they are as much muscle as having the Olson twins as bodyguards.

But it is the constant surveillance that drives me crazy. Love my pod. I am not a loner but these dudes are douches. It’s like Big Brother watching our every move: take a poop—there they are with their camera. See a likely looking lady—hey—I am not into being a whale porn star.

So here I am once again. I know they are good people and they care; perhaps too much. Don’t they have families? Maybe there are penguins that need protecting.  Everyone loves penguins. I don’t have any happy feet. I’m just a whale who used to take my chances traveling and have some privacy with my homeys.

Next we will have to go through TSA to travel from one place to another. Well, at that point I start the whale revolution and that will not be pretty.