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My Life and Times During a Teacher Workday

“Good Morning, welcome to the Eulaylie Teeter Elementary School Teacher Workday. I’m your new principal, Phil DoSomthing. I transferred from the Falldorah Falls Elementary School where I was the principal .”

“Today we plan to tackle the old question, ‘what makes Johnny behave in class?’ Principal DoSomthing unveiled a computer screen saying, “Here is a typical scene in a classroom. Watch what Ms. Plimswater does with Johnny.”

Everyone watched as the video showed a little boy throwing spitballs and paper airplanes in class. He then began to color his desk with markers. Poor Ms. Plimswater scolded him to no avail.

Principal DoSomthing stopped the video. “So you see that Ms. Plimswater did not stop Johnny from misbehaving. Does anyone know what to do if Johnny is in your class?”

Mr. Hilltop suggested, “Send Johnny to your office?”

Principal. DoSomthing laughed and shook his head, “No, no, my good man, never to my office! But I am going to show you how to deal with Johnny. Observe.”

The next video showed Johnny throwing spitballs during class. However, Ms. Plimswater calmly put a small cannon on her desk, stuffed wet clumps of tissue into the cannon and fired the clumps at Johnny’s head. Johnny looked surprised and stopped immediately. Ms. Plimswater put away the cannon with satisfaction.

“Now watch what happens with Johnny’s paper airplanes.”

The next video showed Johnny throwing paper airplanes during Ms. Plimswater’s lesson. Ms. Plimswater stopped her lesson, knelt down behind her desk wearing an army helmet, and began firing paper missiles that intercepted incoming paper aircraft. Again, Johnny was surprised and stopped.

“Finally, watch what happens when Johnny colors his desk during class.”

The video showed Johnny coloring his desk with markers. The resourceful Ms. Plimswater stood over his desk, unscrewed the colored desktop, exclaimed how brilliant Johnny’s coloring was, and hung it in the hallway with Johnny’s name underneath. Johnny was, of course, embarrassed when all of the kids crowded around it. Meanwhile, the next frame shows Johnny awkwardly trying to balance his notebook on his lap while completing his addition.

“So,” continued Principal DoSomthing, “you see there are more effective ways to deal with Johnny’s behavior. Any questions?”

“Yes, I have one,” answered Ms. Caterwall. “What if none of these work with Johnny?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Watch this last video.”

The final video showed Ms. Plimswater going to her desk and pouring herself a strong one from a fifth she kept in her drawer. As she sipped, a look of pure bliss crept over her face.