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All around the world, people are visiting beaches this summer -- even in land-locked areas where there are no beaches but people have been convinced that their local ponds serve the same purpose.  Clean or dirty, big or small, beaches can all be defined in the same way: areas where people burn in the sun so that later they can complain about how burned they are.  Additionally, all beaches have an ocean: a body of salty water that causes people to exclaim, "Wow, that water is salty!" upon entering.  Advanced beachgoers will actually bring unsalted soft pretzels to the beach just to salt them.  Some will even go so far as to bring people they don't like to the beach with the intent of salting them later.  Oh wait, I think I might have misinterpreted something I read on a crime report...

People will often drive hours to get to a beach and then once they get there, they are not sure what they are actually supposed to do.  For some people, the first step is setting up an umbrella.  An umbrella is a way of telling people, "I'm not really sure why I'm here.  I drove hours to get to a sunny location and now I'm shading myself from it." 

Picking an umbrella location is key to any beach experience.  It's important not to pick a spot too close to random strangers because you never know when people you know will come by and assume that you're with those people.  That's not a big deal, in most cases, but if later they do something awkward, you don't want friends to question, "Hey, weren't you hanging out at the beach with them?"  Another thing to consider with location is proximity to the ocean.  A spot too close may lead to a ruined sandcastle or sandwich.  I'm not quite sure why you brought a sandwich to the beach, but you did and now you have to deal with it being wet and sandy...

Those looking for jobs at the beach have many opportunities.  For example, a person can become a trained lifeguard, which involves sitting on a very high chair. There are also beach tag checkers, people who ensure that people did not sneak into beaches that require a payment.  This a good job for people who want to feel bad about themselves later.  Finally, there are jobs for people interested in selling water and ice cream.  Okay, so maybe no one is actually interested in selling those products, but with a loud voice and a desire to overcharge people, a person can be successful at this job...

Now that the beach experience has been outlined, I am sure that people will be waking up early to get to the beach and enjoy the sun and the sand.  Just remember: stay away from jellyfish -- they bite.  And stay away from young children -- they also bite.  And stay away from people who hang out under umbrellas -- they're too shady.