14-011
Just The Socks Please, Nothing But The Socks
“I’d like these socks, please.”
“That will be $10.88, including tax.”
“Here you go.”
“What’s this?”
“It’s a twenty dollar bill.”
“Do you have our store credit card?”
“No.”
“Do you want one?”
“No.”
“You’ll save 15% on today’s purchase if you open a credit card with us.”
“No, thank you.”
“Not only will you save 15% on today’s purchase- a whopping $1.63- we’ll give you
a credit line of $5,000.”
“I don’t want a credit line of $5,000.”
“Why not?”
“I just want to buy these socks.”
“Well, then at least sign up for a Member’s Reward card.”
“No. I just want to buy these socks. ”I don’t want any more cards.”
“But it’s free to sign up for and we’ll send you coupons.”
“No. I don’t want any coupons.”
“Did I mention our Members Rewards Program is a free service? Just give me
your email address and we’ll set you up.”
“No. I don’t want to give you my email address.”
“Why not?”
“I get too many emails as it is and I don’t want any coupons.”
“Let me just tell you how it works.”
“No. I don’t care how it works.”
“We send you daily emails on stuff you don’t know you need but you do.”
“No, thank you.”
“Did I tell you we have a free app for your phone?”
“Why would I want your app?”
“So we can stay in touch.”
“Why would I want to stay in touch with you?”
“So you can save money.”
“PLEASE. NO!”
“Did I tell you the more you spend, the more points you rack up? For example, if
you spend $5000, you’ll receive 500 points which, had you already been a
Member of our Rewards Club, you’d be well on your way to paying for these socks
today.”
“I have the cash to buy them right now- even without Membership Rewards.”
“Would you like to take a survey today based on your experience?”
“No, I just want to buy these socks.”
“If you fill out the survey on the back of your receipt, you’ll be put in the
running to win prizes worth in excess of $500.”
“No. I just want to buy these socks. And why is my receipt two pages long? I just
bought one pair of socks.”
“Come on. We’ll give you this colorful keychain card to go along with the hundreds
you already have plus a rewards card for your wallet and an extra one for your
husband.”
“I don’t have a husband.”
“Do you think you don‘t have a husband because of your attitude?”
“What do you know about my attitude?”
“I’m just saying. Buying a pair of socks shouldn’t take this long.”