14-034
When
the likes of Senator Fred Thompson and The Fonz tout the need for elders to
quickly purchase reverse mortgage insurance, one must take heed. Reverse, of
course, because you are elderly and anything you can reverse would inure to
your benefit. Insurance, because at your age, who else would insure you for
anything? The advantages of these two words alone are far-reaching and
undeniable.
There
are countless baby boomers now having conversations with their elderly parents
about the pros and cons of these reverse mortgage products.
“Dad,
why do you need this? You have no mortgage now and you are fine. I have been
trying to get you to move out of this house for 10 years. Why would you want to
put a mortgage on it?” says the bewildered Son who believes in his own
brilliance.
“Because
Son, The Fonz says I will have all the money I need and still get to live
here,” counters Dad who has been counting his money.
“Dad
you have that now….without a mortgage.”
“Well
Son, an authority says you are only out to get an inheritance from me. You
don’t care about my dreams. I have
always dreamt of water skiing, scuba diving, parasailing and deep sea fishing.
A reverse mortgage will give me the money to buy a boat and make my dreams come
true.”
“Dad,
I have never once, in 55 years, heard you ever say those were your dreams.”
“Well,
you didn’t ask. I’m 83 now and The Fonz knows I have dreams and wants me to
realize them. Besides, this expert
fella’ Martin Andelman says reverse mortgages are great. The only bad ones are
those sold by unethical, predatory jackasses.”
“Dad, who the hell is Martin Andelman?”
“I found him on LinkedIn,” Dad says definitively.
Mr. Andleman has earned Dad’s confidence and it
is unquestionable that former Senator Fred Thompson and The
Fonz are neither unethical nor predatory jackasses.
Son counters with the reinforcement of The New York Times and two sitting Senators who state that Seniors
better watch out for these reverse mortgages. Son is certain that sitting
Senators hold more sway than an actor and an actor turned politician, unless
you count Ronald Reagan.
Dad
does not take Son’s advice because actors such as The Fonz and people who are
former actors turned politicians like Ronald Reagan give superior advice.
Dad
spends his final year on the high seas just off the coast of New York City.
Son
walks away from the bank owned home of his youth on the day of Dad’s funeral
and a tear slides slowly down his wind chapped cheek. He heads back to the
marina to take out his fully debt free inheritance, the boat Dad purchased with
his reverse mortgage money. As Son
spreads Dad’s ashes along the seaway, he looks fondly at the moniker Dad
bestowed upon the reverse mortgage toy that gave Dad so much joy: “Re-Verse Poetry in Motion.”