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How To Shop For A Health Care Provider
First off, put aside any
thoughts you may have had of dying a healthy death and start right now by
planning on getting sick - sick enough, and soon enough so that actually
purchasing health care insurance from anyone at all will make sound economic
sense.
Barring the blessed relief of
a sudden death scenario, this is the only way to avoid the worst health care
decision (or non-decision) of all which would be to just throw your hard-earned
money down the drain.
Once you’ve accepted the idea
that illness is unavoidable, you’ll have to decide on which conditions,
ailments, sicknesses or diseases you will be most likely to acquire before
choosing the best provider for you.
This choice is absolutely critical because not all health care providers are equipped to handle all sorts of situations. I mean, if you had an arrow stuck through your head, you wouldn’t go to a podiatrist, would you? (This does not apply to people who may live in a small town with only one podiatrist and no trauma center.)
Of course, chance plays a big
part in any decision, so it’s best to ponder it carefully before choosing a
health care provider who may be adept at covering the heartbreak of psoriasis,
but fail to cover many of the newly emerging diseases such as Ebola.
This may be a good time to
consult an experienced prognosticator such as an astrologer, a clairvoyant, or
less expensive options such as the I-Ching, or a Ouiji Board - or else just
flip a coin which is the time-honored method used to decide who gets to kick
off first in a football game.
Another critical factor
involves interpreting the health care provider’s schedule of drugs. Their
schedules are arranged in tiers, much like diving boards perched at various
heights above an empty pool. Tier one drugs, such as band-aids and analgesics,
are usually covered at cut-rate costs by most plans. Tier two drugs and beyond
become increasingly more expensive, and inevitably require co-payments on your
part that could spiral out of control and cause delirium. The cost of drugs
used in cancer care are determined by the type of cancer you develop.
Nevertheless, whichever health care
provider you choose, steady financial drainage should not be ruled out.
However, if you do survive
the healthcare nightmare, you can declare bankruptcy and begin life anew.
Employers cannot discriminate against job applicants whose hair has fallen out.
Indeed, total baldness suggests the qualities of heightened intelligence and
aggressiveness that most employers seek in today’s job market.
For the rarest illnesses,
it’s best to choose a health care provider who has close ties to a drug company
that focuses on that particular illness.
Choose your health care
provider wisely and avoid the creeping Stalinization of American medicine where
sick people would be stigmatized as being unhealthy and unproductive cogs in a
society that values financial acumen above all else.
To your health!