14-043
A New Leaf
I went to
the grocery store thinking about turning over a new leaf for the school year.
It's been break even summer - I'm breaking out the Aaaah pants as the
temperatures even into fall. I’m
happy about it this year because I only gained slightly more than I lost.
Someone
once asked me to name my perversion so if said I was into D&M -Dieting and
Masochism, and because misery loves company I'm putting the whole family on the
path to enlightenment right now.
The kids
are so excited about my new commitment, the older one asked to to testify at
the hearing..
But I
digest.
This
started, as all disasters do, with the best of intentions. I was standing in the checkout line
holding box of Frosty Cubes Cereal thinking how good it would be to send the
kids off to school each day after a healthy breakfast loaded with vitamin
S(ugar) and R(esignation) along with an elaborately-arranged sure-to-be uneaten
lunch of carrots, fat, sugar, and fat instead of giving them money too buy and
not eat a lunch at school before coming home and announcing they're starving.
Some
people think better on their feet, I just think more. Less would have been more. My feet
thought it would be good to get out of line to get a few boxes of Nuts &
Twigs cereal and a multi-pack of Flavor-No ready-made diet dinners guaranteed
to make the whole family lose their appetite or their cookies.
And, as a
big believer in the Do as I Say, Not as I Do school of parenting I didn't see
any irony in training for the arm-chair jockey Olympics while simultaneously
banning the kids from butt-expanding TV-watching on the couch.
I'm
pulling my weight too, after all, on the new bike I bought just in time for the
first snow fall..
But the
kids, not understanding parental logic, threatened a general walk out to the
doors of the Child Welfare department, and I knew I needed to find another way
to manage my issues with our bodies. Fortunately, winter coat season, a.k.a
pudgy belly camouflage season - is almost upon us.
It looks
like my new leaf is turning just the right way just in time to get out the
rakes.